I recall several years ago hearing it said of someone that I worked with, “he loves to hear himself talk.” I understood the meaning and that it was simply a reflection upon the individual being discussed as one that talked too much. The reality of it was, they probably did. However, throughout my time as a pastor I have noticed that many times it is the opposite of that, as most people don’t truly listen to what they say.
Some have labeled it the beam-in-the-eye syndrome. We recall the time that Jesus spoke of it in Matthew 7. In verses 3-5 He said, “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” It was the first official diagnosis of the syndrome, and the Master Phsyician was on point with His words. Unfortunately, it’s still present in every church.
Sometimes I wish that I could stop people in the midst of what they are telling me and ask if they are listening to their own words. As a shepherd, I have been wounded deeply by pious individuals that have no idea as to how damaging and cutting their words are to me. Pastors are immune to heartache and suffering it would seem, because after all “you don’t have it as bad as what I do” or words very similar to that.
Once, in my early years of pastoring I was in desperate need of a car. I spotted an older model Lincoln Continental along the road. It wasn’t in the best of shape, but I purchased it and had some repainting done. I may have paid $2,000 total for the car and all repairs that it needed. It was the first week after purchasing it, that I had it in my driveway. One of my church members came by and rolled his window down and said, “If I had the kind of money for a vehicle like that, I would give it to missions.” The car lasted less than a year, but over 20 years later I still carry the scars. He spoke his mind: I understood that a pastor was to be poor and to drive vehicles even older than 10 years or else…you just couldn’t be godly enough.
Remember, you do not know the battles that your pastor faces on a regular basis. You do not know the time that is spent praying for you and for your family. You do not understand the burden that he carries for your church and your community. You cannot comprehend the sacrifices that are made so that you might find spiritual nourishment and arrive successfully one day in heaven. Trivial things add up and it isn’t long before the feeling of despair and hopelessness sets in. Your words, along with the words of the entire congregation matter and he listens to every single one of them. Can I take off my pastor’s hat, and say it like I would have said it to my Soldiers when I was still in the Army? Don’t say stupid things to the one with a heart that only seeks the best for you.
How about in our interactions with those who are young in the faith? Do we speak words of grace and love, or is it a steady diet of condemnation and criticism? I’ve heard far too often, “if that is what holy living is, or if that’s what Christianity is, I want nothing of it” after someone “spoke the truth” to straighten another out. Long lasting scars and sometimes eternal damage is done, because someone could only see the mote, while missing the beam. “But pastor you just don’t know how it bothers me and troubles me to see…” whatever it was at the time. “Pastor, somebody had to speak up and set things straight, so I did!” “Pastor, back in my day we just did not do things the way things are done now, and God will never bless us if…” Stop! Are you listening to what you are saying? You are discrediting and devaluing anything that is not in agreement with your perspective. Nothing is good enough or able to live up to self-made standards (don’t say that it’s the scriptural standard, if it’s merely you twisting scripture to fit your agenda). Is that what Jesus did? Did He speak His mind to the woman at the well? How about to Zacchaeus? Have you ever thought about the possible effectiveness of His message being based upon His words, and upon how He spoke to people? Was He ever so grieved that He spoke words that cut to the bone, even though He may have been right and held the moral high ground to do so? We know the answer, of course He was. But He spoke words of compassion and love.
We may not like to admit it, but we are often so very guilty of being the opposite of what the Master would call us to be, all of the while singing “Oh to be like thee” with utmost sincerity.
Jesus said, “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” Ouch! Do the work on yourself before you start assessing the needs and the areas of what needs to be done in someone else. At the very least, you may just need to be quiet. Stop hurting others, stop ruining your testimony, and stop crippling the message of the gospel that is trying to go forth. Just be quiet. Not everything matters, but your soul and the soul of those that you are injuring does.
I challenge you to listen to what you are saying and then seek forgiveness and start using your words to build rather than to injure.
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